My Recovery From Alcohol

First of all, let me start out by saying that I am terrified to share this to so many people and put myself in the limelight, or be accused of seeking attention, or that I picture people rolling their eyes at me while getting this notification, which probably doesn’t even happen.  Secondly, I am proud. Thirdly, I want to a beacon of light and hope to others.  The latter being of the utmost importance to me.

Today is my 2-year-anniversary.

It was two years ago today that I was airlifted to Hershey Medical Center in Pennsylvania with severe liver failure and was given a 25% chance to live.  I only remember bits and pieces during the initial 12 days, because I was heavily sedated in the ICU.  However, picture being stuck between dream and reality for a while, and you’ll understand why I scolded my cousin for trying to sell vacuum cleaners to the nurse or asking the staff member if my girlfriend and I could get a hotel room for the night so we could have some “alone time”.

I can joke about it now, thankfully. Between the amber-colored urine and having to call in my smoking hot nurses to wipe my arse and sponge-bathe me, I learned very quickly that dignity, while the wonderful staff tried so hard to maintain it, was a bit hard to come by.  Waking up to the most polarizing election of my lifetime with an unexpected winner, was surreal.  The amount of visitors, half of which I don’t remember, was pleasing.  I’m not going to lie, being waited on hand and foot wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever experienced 😉

Alcohol had taken over my life.  I knew it.  I realized I had a problem when I began drinking at work.  But, my motives were actually good.  I wanted to function like everyone else – function like I didn’t have a racing mind that severely plagued my capacity to be a worthy, competitive employee.  I drank to cope with a severe anxiety disorder that began in 2004 and never really relented.  Alcohol slowed my mind enough to feel normal and fit in with society.

Little did I realize, I had a lot of psychological trauma I hadn’t processed in the past 14 years. Little did I realize, my self-esteem was poor, my self-identity was shot, I had not adequately addressed my mental illnesses and past familial anguish.  I had been thrust into homelessness 4 times by my own family over minor conflicts and normal family problems. I had few friends, trusted nobody and had a drug that could numb me long enough to feel an ounce of happiness and a few hours without racing thoughts.  That feeling easily became my addiction and it didn’t take long to develop a 24-hour need to drink alcohol, hold a buzz, and avoid withdrawal, which ultimately led to my near-demise.

It’s hard to open up about alcoholism. And even though I don’t wear that identity, there is a sense of shame I feel. But, at the same time, I have a duty, a bigger meaning and a higher calling after staring down death. I barely made it out alive from addiction, but I did, and that’s what matters.  That’s where I can make a difference. And even though I fear being judged, as most would, I know the majority of this audience are people that actually do like me, respect me, and value me.  My “tribe” as a great friend from Idaho, often says.

See, the happy ending isn’t here, yet.  There wasn’t an ending at all. It was the beginning of a second journey.

I am now on medication for anxiety and depression. I see a counselor regularly. My liver has mostly returned to normal and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in two years. And I have a hell of a story to tell.  But, most of all, I am a testament that recovery from alcoholism or addiction is possible.  I look forward to telling this story the rest of my life and letting folks with addiction know that there actually is hope for a better life, no matter how dark the day looks.

Happy 2 years to me. Cheers!

-Avicious

My Recovery From Alcohol
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6 thoughts on “My Recovery From Alcohol

  • November 3, 2018 at 11:56 am
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    Thank you for sharing you journey, avi. Much light for your path.

  • November 3, 2018 at 5:55 pm
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    Your story is honest and inspirational. Congratulations on your two years anniversary!

  • November 4, 2018 at 7:37 pm
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    Avi, Congratulations. I lost a much loved brother from liver failure.. same story. He went clean, but too late.. damage was done.
    Every day you now have is a gift. Keep hanging in there, it’s not easy but worth it

  • November 5, 2018 at 8:17 am
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    Avi, I am a fellow recovering addict. I have 12 years clean. I know it is no joke. I applaud your bravery for taking step 12 and using it on such a huge platform. Your strength may give hope to those who are still suffering. Feel free to contact me or reply. As you know, it gets better and your story is truly uplifting. May your higher power bless you.

  • November 8, 2018 at 7:50 pm
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    You guys’ comments are extremely supportive for me. Thank you so much <3

  • November 11, 2018 at 6:02 am
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    Avi, my deepest respect for sharing this with us! All the best from us at Lekker Luiland (BeNelui) alliance!

    MrBazzy

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